I’m So Over Me Right Now..

Ok that’s it. I’ve had enough. I’m sick of this now. 

It’s been 2 years plus. 

2 years..really??

2 years since I started this blog experience and very quickly stopped it. 

So many times since then I’ve vowed to myself to jump back in. “Just Do It” as the slogan says. 

And it’s been just about as many days that I’ve found excuses not to.

I’m too busy, too tired, too old, too inexperienced, too whatever.

As much as I’ve told myself and others how much I wanted to do this, my actions have not matched my words. And the fact that I have shared my dreams with others just makes the quitting feel worse. Breaking promises to myself and others. I think over time it caused me to not trust myself as much which only led to further procrastination. As the young people would say. I’ve been behaving like a ‘waste yout’ (go ahead and check the urban dictionary).

Even with this post I told myself I had to write some detailed explanation as to why it’s been such a gap, why I haven’t been consistent. I had to excuse and explain myself to make myself feel better, or at least not as guilty for my procrastination. This post as been 2 years plus coming I’m almost ashamed to say.

But ok. I’m here now. The funny thing is, I have several writing pieces that I’ve done throughout the past couple years that were for the purpose of posting and actually doing what I want to do which is try to motivate and encourage others. Kind of ironic, I know.  

But this post, this one that you’re reading is another excuse I have used for not proceeding. It’s kinda insane. The one post I felt I needed to write to explain the delay took the longest to write which proved to mean; delay extended. So I had all these posts that I’d been writing, ( I found one that I wrote when the news started talking about a virus that may hit North America), that just piled up, but I told myself I couldn’t proceed without the explanation.  

So if I had a message to embed in this for you to think about and consider it would be this: just start. Start with what you have. Don’t look left or right. Just dive in. That’s it, yes just that simple.

And if you’re anything like me you are a lover of things happening ‘organically’. Unfortunately the doubting voice in my head said that my organic may be a little too strange. I’ve wanted to start and have a space where I could just write freely. Write about the thoughts and experiences I have. Write spiritual awakenings that seem to come to me out of nowhere where I’m invoked to write out what stirs inside. Write about a scripture verse I read that hit me different. Write about a controversial conversation I had heard or was a part of. Write about life and love, and sadness, and joy, etc. Write about something I saw posted that caused me to catch a thought.

So I’ve actually kind of betrayed myself by worrying about what others may think. Worried that it may look too much like a ‘dear diary’ entry. Worried about my writing being a little too weird. Worried about it not being polished.  Worried that my style of writing is not good enough. Worried it might be too plain. Worried about the fact that there are millions who write blog so why should I? So yeah, worry which is clearly F E A R  has had a role in this. More than I realize or even want to admit it’s been fear that has held me back. But fear you’ve got to go! It’s time I pull myself up by the collar and say “listen lady, faith and fear don’t go together”, they simply do NOT.

And let me throw even more oil on the fire. I couldn’t figure out how the thing I was experiencing so deeply for so long, that thing being fear, not living up to my calling, limiting beliefs on what I am capable of; are the very things I feel like I’m led to write and encourage others about. For so long it just didn’t make sense to me. Writing about what I battle with?? I felt so unqualified. But now through prayer and reflection I realize that it’s exactly what makes me absolutely qualified. 

Have I confused you enough?? 🙂 See, I’m already ready to run, ugh. 

Another thought I will leave with you is, newsflash: you’re never going to be ready. You are Never going to be ready!! 

Shall I say it again for the people in the back?? 

Just start where you are, with what you have. Believe me it’s enough. Just decide to have to truly have some faith and believe that you are right where you need to be and can start with what you have, it is enough. The more will come, we just need to start. More can’t show up until we’re ready for it, and we can’t get ready if we don’t get ready! Do our part, the best way we know how with what we already have, and believe it or not that is the formula for walking in Excellence! I firmly believe that if we do our part, as imperfect and flawed as it may be, God will finish it for us. Getting to our purpose is a series of ‘yes’s’. Just keep saying yes. If you can just trust yourself and start with what you have, as little as you may think it is; then trust and believe ‘more’ is coming. 

So please please p l e a s e, don’t be like me and waste any more time. No more time thinking, dreaming, visualizing what you could be doing in your calling. Trust me it only leads to severe regret and frustration. So let me save you those feelings. Step into it. Just dive in. Start where you are. Do it afraid! It’s okay. Either way you will feel better that you started, followed through on a promise to yourself. You will feel a sense of pride knowing that you are starting somewhere. I promise that just by starting you’ll feel better about it. Yes, it may be a shaky start but it’s a start indeed! So if it’s starting a business, writing a book, creating a class, taking a class, an invention idea you have, climbing a mountain, just start!! What are the first steps? What do you have now that you can start with?

And hey, it’s okay that it won’t be perfect right away, it doesn’t have to be. We have a terrible habit of studying peoples chapter 12 and comparing it to our chapter 1. Eyes on your own paper! You’ve got to start so you can get better. Maybe in your challenges you will help someone feel more comfortable stepping into their thing and starting their start. And after all, isn’t that what this whole thing is about? Stepping into purpose and helping others desire to find and follow theirs??

So before I go I think I need to apologize. I am sorry.

I know I know, left turn. I can just hear some of you thinking ‘yep this girl is mad in her head’.  

But my apology is simply me being regretful for procrastinating these last couple years. Maybe someone needed to read something like this 2 years ago, maybe 6 months ago, maybe today.. So I am sorry for my disobedience. For letting insecurities and perfectionism stop me from doing what I love and maybe helping others, so for my delayed actions, I am sorry.

I’m here now and Ba-byyyy…we are about to get into some chit-chats. So let me take the next few days to organize the pieces I’ve written over the last little while, get them posted and continue saying yes! Looking forward to meeting folks and sharing ideas and thoughts!!

Questions to consider:

What dream/vision have you been delaying? Why?

Who’s suffering because of your procrastination?

What steps can you take today to get started on that thing? 

Have you ‘sorta’ started and just not taken the leap? Why?

Leave me your comments and thoughts, can’t wait to chat!!